I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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