Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
