he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
