I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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