so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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