Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
