I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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