I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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