somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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