I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
