The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
