I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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