matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the condom got lost in my hair
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
