As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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