Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
