i just google imaged poop.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
