remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
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Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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