just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
