our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
