Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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