dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dear god my vagina.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
