You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
