how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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