My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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