whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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