I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
