you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
