My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
two words: eviction party
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
