I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
