I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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