Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
