If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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