Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
