Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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