Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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