Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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