I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
