so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
