Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
