I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
im on a boat
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