Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
