Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize