to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
