i think i have two assholes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
