i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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