i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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