dude i'm inner monologue high
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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