Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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