I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
