your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
