Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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