before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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