i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
