No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
