Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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