Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
