i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
