Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I love you.
Bad choice
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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