he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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