It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
