Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
