Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i think im in europe. pls send help
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
