You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
