Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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