i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
