So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
