I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
