I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
