I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
