Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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