It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
