you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize