I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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