is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
