he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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