I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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