I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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