Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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