So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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