i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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