It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
