Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
