so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just googled if crying burns calories
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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