dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
