Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
