Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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