I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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