he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
