So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
