Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
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I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize