hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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