Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
